Tuesday, January 30, 2007
The stuff beans are made of
Late night movie classes are taking their toll on me. Me and my stomach, anyway. With only 15 minute breaks between various screenings and lectures and meandering group discussions it's tough to get the proper nutritional intake besides potato chips or cans of Pepsi. So I'm doubling up on my breakfasts (omelette AND oatmeal?!) to make up for the lack of a decent lunch. And late dinners are the norm. Mmmm. Just finished my CHICKEN.
Maybe I'd eat proplery if I didn't go see KITA NO ZERONEN or Year One in the North. Or something. It's basically Japan's version of Oscar bait. Almost three hours long of weeping, crying, longing, gasping, staring and being noble and/or honorable. It's a chick flick. A romance novel. I'm sure it's based on a book. It's gotta be. It's got a novel's snail-like stench (and pace) all over it. You know what woke me up as I was dozing off? The sight of a gun onscreen. My eyes snapped open. What does that say about me?
It has the badass Ken Watanabe though I'm not quite sure his badassitude is well-earned or not now because he's yet to have a substantial role in an honest-to-God good movie yet, as far as I can tell. Remember The Last Samurai? Kita No Zeronen is hokier than that. Remember Memoirs of a Geisha? That's a much hokier movie but this one comes close. Remember Batman Begins? Yeah? ME TOO!! GOD. What an AWESOME MOVIE. Kita No Zeronen isn't. =(
You know how people complain some movies aren't believable, that they're fake? This is one of those movies. It begs you take it seriously because everyone in the movie is, even when the father leaves and never returns (natch), when a guy sets himself on fire to save his crop, when the horses run away but DON'T WORRY THEY'RE BACK. It's hokey and fake and I didn't buy any of it. If Charlotte Bronte was Japanese she would'a wrote Kita No Zeronen.
On the other hand, I saw Body Heat, which wants you to take it as seriously as it'll let you. It winks at the audience, says "Yes, this is noir so take the snappy dialogue and recycled plot in stride and enjoy Kathleen Turner's legs." I mean, it practically says that. Ted Danson's in it. He dances around in circles by himself and it's funny in this movie because 1.) it's Ted Danson and he has huge Coke bottle eyeglasses and B.) the movie's aware of its kitschy Tarantino-y satus. Whereas, in Kita No Zeronen, everyone's squeezing their tearducts out saying stuff like "A dream is only a dream unless you make it happen" which I find much more unbelievable than Body Heat's hardboiled "Sometimes the shit comes down so heavy I feel like I should wear a hat." And sure enough, he gets a snap-brimmed hat. So which movie is hokier? Which movie works?
You know my answer, baby. Now be a sweetheart, kiddo. Close the door and turn the lights off, I got daggers in my eyes.
# posted by magusart @ 11:59 PM 
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